Pieces of September
by MaryAgnosia
Summary: He was broken and falling to pieces.  She was lonely and bitter.  As the leaves fell that September, so did their guard – and everything was different.
1. Leaves

**Pieces of September**

_He was broken and falling to pieces. She was lonely and bitter. As the leaves fell that September, so did their guard – and everything was different._

**Chapter One: Leaves**

Hermione's pen stopped where it was on the paper as a leaf fell onto it, broken and torn; faded and dying. She brushed it off, watching it fall to the thick green grass beside her. Her letter to Harry and Ron was almost finished, but it was hard to write a nice friendly letter to your friends when you are insanely jealous of them.

Her parents had both been offered temporary jobs as teachers in the dental department of a very good Muggle university in New York City; an ocean away from Hogwarts. So now Hermione was stuck in New York City for the first half of her last year at Hogwarts.

She told herself that it was better not to be there at the beginning of this year. Although she had managed to persuade Harry and Ron to finish their last year at Hogwarts and become qualified wizards before going after Voldemort, she knew that Voldemort wasn't going to wait a year to cause pain and destruction in the wizarding world. She also knew that last year's events would still be fresh on everyone's minds…and that many of the student population would not be showing up this year. She doubted if any Slytherins would. And there certainly wouldn't be that many first years. She also knew that she would have to believe it then…she would have to stop denying that Dumbledore had died. She would have to stop denying that her former Potions teacher had killed him. She would have to stop denying that Malfoy wasn't just a jerk, he was evil…and that **any** student could betray **anyone**. That was perhaps the hardest thing to accept. That all the horror had been caused by someone she had known for years, and, however much she had hated him, she had never thought he was capable of attempting to kill someone.

But she couldn't deny that she wanted to be with her best friends and she wanted to help them with their Potions essays, because she knew that they would never be able to handle seventh year Potions by themselves. She smiled sadly to herself, thinking of Ron's look of horror when he got their first essay assignment.

She glanced quickly down at her watch, and noticed that Harry and Ron would already have reached Hogwarts. She also noticed that her parents would be getting home soon, and she needed to head back for dinner.

Sighing, she quickly signed the letter and slipped it into her bag before making her way back through the park. She deliberately kicked at the dry leaves on the ground. September in New York. Many of the leaves on the trees had already fallen to the ground. Everything died so early here.

_Merlin, Hermione. Stop being so angsty…_

She saw the gate to the park up ahead, and quickened her pace. She noticed a figure in black curled up on one of the park benches, and walked even faster. It was getting late, and any park in New York City was not the place to be later in the day.

She glanced back at the figure as she passed, and tripped over a tree root in the middle of the path. She ignored the dirt now covering her jeans, too shocked by the sight in front of her to do anything except sit their gaping in shock.

"What the bloody hell are you doing here, Malfoy?" she yelled when she recovered her voice.

He jerked awake, sitting straight up, wondering how the hell anyone here could possibly know his name.

Unfortunately, that voice had sounded **awfully** familiar.

_Oh __**BLOODY HELL**__ it's HER!_

"Why aren't **you** at school being your typical know-it-all self?" he shot back, ignoring her question.

"Why aren't **you** in Azkaban you filthy murderer!" she screamed at him, and luckily no one was around.

"Because I'm not a murderer," he stated as though she were stupid.

Her eyes automatically shot to his left arm, and she could just barely see the end of the Dark Mark. "It doesn't matter! You're a Death Eater!"

His eyes seemed to darken, and he yanked his black jean jacket sleeve down to cover the Mark completely. "Oh, yes. Go away before I hex your arse into next month, Granger."

"How can you act like this still! You almost killed someone!"

He didn't answer. Hermione looked at his appearance now, trying to figure out what he was doing here. His hair was messy and looked unwashed. His jeans were ripped, and the black jacket he was wearing was unraveling at various places. He always looked so polished and well, rich, at school, but now he looked far from it. She also noticed the dark circles under his eyes and how thin he looked. His eyes were on the ground, and his head hung low.

_What happened to him?_

"Well I don't care how **you** feel about what you did, but I know hundreds of thousands of people who would love to see the life sucked out of you by Dementors, including myself. So I'll just save them the trouble of trying to find you and just contact the Minister of Magic," she spat out angrily.

"No!" He looked up now, and she was taken aback by both his faded eyes and the desperate tone of his voice. "You can't do that." His voice reverted back to the cold, mocking way it always was.

"Oh yeah, what are you going to do to stop me?" she mocked.

He looked back to the ground. "I…Just…please, Granger…please, don't contact them…"

For some reason, Hermione felt her stomach tighten in a knot. Malfoy? Begging her to not report him? There had to be a very good reason for Malfoy to stoop as low as to plead with a mudblood.

She wasn't going to give into him though. For all she knew, he was just a good actor. "Sorry Malfoy," she said sarcastically. "I believe I have an owl to send, excuse me," she spat bitterly at him.

When she looked back at the bench when she got to the gate of the park, Malfoy was gone.


	2. Runaway

**Chapter Two: Runaway**

When Draco had first met Granger in their first year, he might not have believed that she would really call the Ministry and report his whereabouts. But she was, after all, obsessed with rules, and after numerous hexes, punches, and insults, he knew better than to doubt Granger would do as she said she was going to.

As soon as she had turned her back he had grabbed his small bag and ran off as fast as he could. He had to get out of New York City- tonight. He couldn't be found. If the Ministry found him…he didn't even want to know what would happen. And what if _they___found him before the Ministry found him? What would happen to him then? If the Ministry found him, he'd go to Azkaban. If _they_ found him, he'd probably be tortured and killed.

He shuddered as he kept running. It wasn't the "Malfoy way" to run away from problems. But it was his only option. He'd never been good at fighting his own battles. He had always hid behind his money, his blood, and his family and none of that would help him now.

He was too worn and tired. He just had to keep running.

Why the hell was Granger here anyways? What was she doing an ocean away from Hogwarts? He hadn't expected to meet anyone he knew. He wasn't expecting anyone to know him, or to be able to report him. But he should've guessed that no plan could be perfect. He just didn't expect it to completely fall apart.

He finally realized that he had no idea where he was going, but he had no time to stop and figure it out. How fast could owls travel? That was certainly a useless fact Granger would know.

He couldn't be found by anyone. He just wanted to melt away into the crowd and be forgotten forever.

Well, he had lived too carelessly and now he had both sides after him. He had betrayed them both and both wanted him dead and out of the way. He had no friends, no one he could turn to. No one had ever liked him much at school, but he had at least been respected and left alone by all but the "Golden Trio". Now everyone hated him, and no one would care the least bit if he were hit by a killing curse right now.

He had always found a way to blame everyone else for his problems, but he couldn't even try to find blame in anyone but himself. Yes, he had tried hating his father for putting the Mark on him. Yes, he had tried hating his mother for never standing up to his father. But he knew, in the end, he would still have at least his dysfunctional family if he had been stronger.

He felt a sharp pain in his stomach as he ran into someone on the crowded sidewalk. "Watch where you're going!" The businessman shoved him away, and he fell into the black marble wall of a building.

He leaned his head back against the wall, breathing heavily, and closing his eyes, as if somehow this would make everything a dream.

He no longer had the strength to push himself back up.


	3. Unexplained

**Chapter Three: Unexplained**

_Why is he here? _Even after ten minutes of storming through the city, Hermione was still infuriated by Malfoy's sudden appearance in the very place she was staying for half of the term. She was mad that he wasn't in Azkaban. Furious that his soul hadn't been ripped out by the Dementors. In fact, he was very much the same bloody prat he had always been.

She pushed by someone, not even bothering to apologize, ignoring their shouts of rage at her rudeness.

_Just wait till the Ministry finds him! Then he'll suffer as much as he's made everyone else! Merlin, I hate that evil prat!_

She couldn't believe he had even pretended to beg with her to keep her from reporting him. He actually thought she would fall for that? How insulting!

_Although…_she slowed her pace as the look on his face came back to her. Why did he have to look so upset? Why did he have to look like he was burning out?

Come to think of it, he had looked so skinny and tired – as if he hadn't eaten in weeks.

_Maybe he hasn't…_

_ He's rich, Hermione. Of course he's eaten. Besides, his parents would feed him._

She stopped suddenly, the thought suddenly dawning on her that maybe he wasn't with his parents. His father was still in Azkaban for being a Death Eater.

And then it hit her that Voldemort didn't have any known operations going on in the United States. So if he didn't, then what was Malfoy, the Death Eater scum, doing here?

_Oh Merlin, Hermione…don't fall for his tricks!_

She knew she was being tricked and that he would probably kill her the first chance he got. She knew that he was evil and should be sent to Azkaban with his father.

And still, years from now, she could never explain why she had turned around and gone back to find him.

The sun was beginning to drop below the horizon, and the shadows of buildings were beginning to lengthen.

Hermione knew she was late to dinner. She knew that her parents would probably have half the city out looking for her. She couldn't believe what she was doing- she was causing her parents to panic because she was looking for Draco Malfoy, of all people.

She had never thought of him as being much of an athlete, but he must be a fast runner. She still hadn't managed to find him.

_Why should I care if he's starving and alone? He deserves it._

Yet she didn't slow her pace as she kept searching for him.

She saw a flash of white-blond, and immediately knew it was him. No one else had that hair color. She jerked her head around to see him, and her anger softened even more when she saw him leaning against a wall, his head in his hands. Ignoring the traffic, she ran across the street. She saw his head shoot up, and his eyes darken when he saw her.

"Wow, you gave up early, Malfoy." For once she was the one smirking, and it felt good.

"Piss off, Granger," he mumbled.

_I can't believe I'm doing this…_she groaned before sitting down next to him. She noticed him inch away and look at her strangely. "When is the Ministry coming to ship my arse to Azkaban?" he asked dryly.

Hermione bit her lip. "They're not, Malfoy. I had a sudden feeling of pity for you, believe it or not, you pain in the arse."

"I don't want your pity, Granger. I'd rather you send the bloody owl."

_So much for gratitude._

She decided to change the topic. "So when was the last time you ate?"

"What gotten into you?" he sneered, now thoroughly confused.

"Nothing, Malfoy! I'm worried about you." Her comment shocked her about as much as it did Malfoy. _Hermione what the hell are you blabbering about? He almost killed Dumbledore, and you're worried about him? Have you gone insane?_

"You're WHAT?"

"Bloody hell, Malfoy, I'm trying to be nice to you for once! Is kindness such a strange emotion to you that it turns you into a bigger idiot than you're Slytherin cronies?" She could feel the heat rising to her face as she tried to cover up her last comment. "So are you hungry or not? Your bones are sticking out," she observed.

"You forget that I'm about a thousand times richer than you are," he snapped.

"You forget that galleons are useless in the Muggle world," she retorted smugly.

Hermione smiled in satisfaction, as it seemed Malfoy was, for once, at a loss for words or a comeback.

"Why the hell are you even here, Granger?" Malfoy asked under his breath, annoyed.

"I'll tell you what, Malfoy. We'll go to a diner and I'll buy you something to eat so you don't look like you're a walking skeleton, and I'll tell you why I'm here. And you of course are going to tell me why you're here too."

"Forget it," he said, rolling his eyes.

She bit her lip angrily. "I'll buy you as much food as you want. And, I'll never contact the Ministry about your whereabouts, no matter what you tell me."

Malfoy pressed his hands on his forehead. "What gives, Granger?"

She sighed. "Stop asking me that, or I might just go back to punching you in the face." _Hell, I____don't even know "what gives". _She paused, looking at his face. "So, how about it, Malfoy? You up for New York diner food?"

He looked as if he were just about to say no when his stomach growled loudly. He sighed and stood up reluctantly. "Fine. But this doesn't by any means make us friends."

"Obviously not, you're still a filthy, disgusting Death Eater. Enemies forever, that's us." Hermione said, knowing that's how it would always be.


	4. Still So Far Away

**Chapter Four: Progress**

Hermione kept glancing up at Malfoy over her menu. He seemed uncomfortable and kept fidgeting in his seat. She wondered if it was because of her, or maybe because the Muggle world was strange to him. After all, a Malfoy would never have gone to the Muggle world on vacation. She wondered how long he had been here.

An overweight waitress came over, chewing gum and tucking a frizzy, red curl behind her ear, smacking her lips. "What can I get you dears to drink?"

Malfoy's look of confusion almost made Hermione burst out laughing. She hid it with a cough before turning to the waitress. "Two Coke's please." The waitress scribbled something before heading off.

Hermione turned back to Malfoy. "What the bloody hell is a Coke?"

She rolled her eyes. "It's good Malfoy, just trust me."

He looked at her as if she were crazy.

She shook her head in frustration before looking back to the menu. "What are you getting?" She glanced up at him.

"Getting?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"You know, what are you ordering?"

Malfoy's face was blank. Sighing, she got up.

"I have to go make a call. If the waitress comes back, tell her we want two of these." She pointed at his open menu. "Think you can handle that?"

"I'm not stupid, Granger," he snapped.

"Right…" she mumbled, before heading outside to the pay phone she had passed earlier on their way into the diner. _Merlin, are my parents going to kill me._

She quickly dialed her apartment's phone number. After several rings, she hung up and decided to call her parent's office number.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Mum. It's Hermione."

"Oh, hello darling. Did you get our message?"

"Message?"

"The note we left. We won't be home for dinner. I hope you haven't been waiting."

Hermione sighed in relief. "Yes, I waited," she lied. "I'm going to go to the diner down the street for dinner, is that all right?"

"Of course, dear. Have a good time." Then all Hermione heard was a dial tone. _Have a good time eating by myself? She must be distracted by her work…_

But it did seem that way a lot, ever since they had come to New York City. Her parents were always distracted by their jobs, and often didn't make it home for dinner. She knew that they were kept very busy, and that this job was important, but she couldn't help but feel the loneliness already. _I wish I were back at Hogwarts…._

She tried to get rid of the frown she knew had formed on her face, and went back inside the diner.

She sat down, and noticed the menus were gone. At least Malfoy had managed to order food successfully without her help.

"What's wrong?"

She looked up at the sound of Malfoy's voice. "Who said anything was wrong?" she asked, knowing that she hadn't managed to get rid of the upset look on her face.

"The look on your face," he said, knowing he was stating the obvious.

"Merlin, I'm not going to start sharing my feelings with **you**, Malfoy," she snapped.

Malfoy shrugged, and then stared suspiciously at the brown drink in front of him.

_You can't really share your feelings with anyone else though, either. Are you going to complain about your parents to Harry, the kid who never even really had them? That would be so insensitive!_

"It's my parents," she blurted out, before she could stop herself.

He looked up at her, and then leaned back against the booth. "What about them?"

She hesitated. "They…they just don't seem to have time for me anymore. They're always busy with something else. It's like I'm not even important to them anymore!" _Why the bloody hell are you telling him all this!_

Malfoy didn't say anything at first, and then he said quietly, "You'll get used to it."

She could feel herself blushing as she quickly look down at the table. _You're talking to Lucius Malfoy's son; __**of course**__ he knows what you're feeling! He's probably got it worse! Talk about insensitive!_

She heard Malfoy sigh and looked back up, wondering if he was mad about her complaining.

He was still staring suspiciously at his drink. She couldn't help it. She burst out laughing.

She ignored the glare he sent her, and kept laughing. "Bloody hell, Malfoy, it's not going to kill you!"

"Who knows, maybe you're trying to poison me." He smirked. "I wouldn't put it past you."

Hermione's laughing finally subsided. "There are easier ways to get rid of you." She grinned again.

A small smile appeared on his lips before it disappeared.

Hermione cleared her throat. "So, Malfoy, what brings you to New York City?"

His pale skin got even paler, and his eyes fell.

"C'mon, you promised you'd tell me." More silence met her remark. Sighing, she added, "Fine, **I'll** go first. My parents, who are dentists…"

"What?" he asked.

"Dentists. They're Muggle doctors. They fix teeth."

"Oh." She ignored the disdain in his tone.

"Anyways, they have new temporary jobs here in New York, so the first half of this term I'm going to be here."

"Where are you going to school?" he asked, and Hermione knew he was asking because she was known as a school-loving bookworm, and couldn't imagine her giving up school for a term.

"I'm not. Harry and Ron are sending my assignments by owl."

The new coldness in his eyes at the mention of her friends' names did not go unnoticed.

"Oh," was all he said before staring at the plate that was being put down in front of him.

He waited until the waitress had gone away before turning to Hermione. "What the hell am I about to eat?"

Hermione had already taken a bite out of her hamburger. "It's a hamburger, Malfoy. It's good, eat it."  
>He looked at the greasy pile of meat, vegetables, and bread, and shook his head. "Do Muggles really eat this stuff?"<p>

Hermione rolled her eyes for about the twentieth time that night. "Malfoy, eat! You're a bloody skeleton for Merlin's sake! Just eat!"

He looked back at the hamburger, uncertain.

Sighing in frustration, Hermione threw her burger down before reaching across the table and pulling his plate over to her. She grabbed her fork and knife and began cutting it into pieces.

"What are you mutilating it for?" Malfoy asked. Hermione could sense the panic in his voice. She knew how he was. He liked to be in control. Malfoy couldn't stand being in a situation he knew nothing about. He didn't like being in a world where he didn't have an advantage over others. In the Muggle world, it didn't matter that he had an uncountable amount of galleons and was practically nobility.

She stabbed a piece with a fork, and held it up to Malfoy. "Now eat, or I'll feed you myself." She glared at him.

"Are you crazy, Granger? You're mental!"

Enjoying his obvious discomfort, she moved the fork closer to his mouth. "C'mon wittle Malfoy. Eat your wittle dinner," she mocked.

Angrily he snatched the fork away from her. "I can feed myself, thank you!" he sneered.

Hermione grinned triumphantly, before going back to eating her food. Her smile slowly faded. Malfoy still hadn't told her why he was here, and he seemed reluctant to do so. She was enjoying the almost-comfortable air between them now…but she knew that whatever Malfoy would have to say would undoubtedly not be something happy.

She remembered the stony look of his eyes when she had mentioned her parents' lack of care.

She would wait till he had finished his dinner to bring up the subject of why he was here again. She didn't want his eyes to look like that again.

Draco shivered, pulling his lightweight jacket closer to him as he and Granger stepped outside into the chilly September night. Surprisingly, the Muggle food had neither killed him nor been that terrible, and at least he had something in his stomach. He couldn't even remember the last time he'd eaten a decent meal.

He heard Granger sigh happily beside him, gazing up at the black sky and the few stars that were visible.

"By the way…thanks," he mumbled, hoping she heard him so he wouldn't have to repeat himself. He didn't like accepting charity from anyone, especially Granger, the know-it-all mudblood.

"Don't mention it, Malfoy," she said, tearing her eyes away from the sky. "So where are you going now?"

He shrugged. He'd probably just find a park bench…or maybe he would try to get out of New York tonight. He didn't know.

He realized that, for the first time in his life, he had a choice.

"Before you go though…" he heard her start, and he groaned inwardly, knowing exactly what was coming. "…you still haven't told me what you're doing here Malfoy."

His eyes moved to the sidewalk, and he became very interested with a piece of gum stuck to it.

He heard a frustrated groan from beside him, and felt a cold hand grab him by his chin and pull his head up from the ground. His face was only inches from Granger's. "Why won't you even **look** at me, Malfoy? My face isn't that ugly!"

He swiped her hand away from his face, ignoring her comment. He knew that he was constantly looking at the ground, submitting to everyone around him. It wasn't the Malfoy way. He should be standing with his head held high, challenging those who spoke to him, not preferring to look at the sidewalk.

_You're weak…you know you are. Father's been telling you that your whole life and he was right. You are not a Malfoy. You are too weak to be a Malfoy._

"Now answer me! What the bloody hell are you doing here, Malfoy?" Granger's face was flushed and her eyes were flaring.

He felt the mask he wore breaking as he remembered why he was here. The pain when his arm was stained forever, the empty eyes and limp body of Dumbledore, the horrifying, angry look Snape had on his face, Voldemort's hatred and his howl of rage when he found his follower wasn't even strong enough to kill, and his vow to never let him forget his failure….

He felt his eyes sting, and he closed his eyes and clenched his fists so tightly that his nails dug into his skin.

"Hey…are you all right?" He heard Granger's voice, faded and distorted in his mind. His numb skin barely felt the touch of her hand on his shoulder. He felt her hand there, and for once it felt like there was someone who cared about him, who was worried that he was miserable. He wanted to tell her everything, because she would understand, wouldn't she?

_She's Granger…she's a Gryffindor…you don't seek comfort in a mudblood!_

Angry at his own weakness, he threw her hand off of him, and turned around to run the other way.

He felt her hand again, this time her nails dug into his arm and he could feel her anger. "You're not going anywhere till you tell me what you're doing here, Malfoy!" He turned to face her hateful glare.

He yanked his arm away from her. "I don't have to tell you anything!" he hissed in an inhuman voice.

Granger was only taken aback for a few seconds before she spat back, "If you don't tell me, then there's nothing stopping me from reporting you to the Ministry! And I swear I will this time!"

"Go ahead, contact them! I don't even care anymore! Get the whole bloody Ministry over here to fire killing curses at me; I don't bloody give a damn!" he screamed at her. His vision blurred, and he turned away from her. He started running and kept running. He wasn't going to stop. He couldn't stop.

He didn't know how long he ran, or where he ran to. He only knew that sometime later he ran right into a metal bar, and snapping out of his frantic state, he stared over the rail of a bridge into the dark, inviting waters below.


	5. Selfish

**Chapter Five: Selfish **

Hermione muttered every curse she knew under her breath as she watched Malfoy take off into the night. _Great, just great. You knew this would happen. As if Malfoy would ever find it in himself to cooperate._

She debated for a few seconds whether or not to follow him. Against her better judgment, she growled in anger before taking off in the direction Malfoy had gone.

_What's __**wrong**__ with you Hermione? Just leave him alone! You don't have to help him; you're not obligated to run after him every time he runs away._

_I just want to know what he's doing here…I don't care what else happens to him after I figure out what he's doing here._

Satisfied that she had managed to convince herself that this insanity had a sane explanation, Hermione kept running, trying to search out Malfoy in the dark city streets. She hoped he hadn't run into one of the parks. The New York City streets were dangerous enough at night, even full of people and lit up.

She found herself missing Harry and Ron more and more. They would know what to do about Malfoy; they might've even been able to stop him before he ran off. They also made her feel safe, no matter where she was or what situation she was in. They had been there for her so long; it felt so weird to be without them. _Harry, Ron…if only you were here!_

She desperately rushed through the streets searching for him for what seemed like hours. She didn't know how much time really had passed; she had lost track of time and didn't really care what time it was. She was tired and exhausted, and just wanted to find him and get it over with.

She finally stopped, knowing that she would have to give up now. She couldn't keep this up.

She took one last look around the area around her, and finally her eye was caught by that unmistakable white blond hair. She sighed deeply before walking over to the bridge where he was standing, looking out into the water.

"It's getting cold, Malfoy," she said, her voice breaking the silence around him. "You shouldn't stay out here too much longer."

"Leave me alone," he whispered to the air. Hermione wasn't quite sure whether he meant her or not.

"Look, Malfoy…"

She saw his hands grip the railing in front of him, and his knuckles went white. "Does it really matter why I'm here?" he asked, still not looking at her.

She sighed before walking up and leaning on the railing beside him. "Why is it so hard to say? You know I won't report you if you tell me. The worst I can do is glare at you and walk away…and frankly, wouldn't you rather me walk away and leave you alone?"

She looked sideways at his face just in time to see his mouth twitch, as if he wanted to smile but couldn't.

"You don't understand."

"You're right, Malfoy," she admitted quietly. "I won't understand what you've gone through. I still don't understand why you got the Mark and why you attempted to kill Dumbledore. I'll never understand you, but I can still listen you know."

Malfoy didn't respond. He kept looking out at the water, and Hermione wondered what was going on inside his mind. She searched her own mind trying to come up with something to say that would make him trust her, at least until he told her what he was doing here.

"I don't understand what you're going through, Malfoy. But you don't have to go through it alone."

She had intended it to be a lie to get him to trust her, but her stomach twisted in knots when she realized that it really wasn't necessarily just a lie.

She looked up as Malfoy sighed. "You know, I really thought I had you figured out Granger."

She smiled at his comment. She felt her hand accidentally brush up against his as she pushed herself off of the rail. He jerked his hand back immediately, and he looked away from her.

Hermione snatched his hand back. "Merlin, you're freezing!"

She noticed that he didn't take his hand from her this time.

"I'm fine," he said quietly.

"No you're not," she said back. "I don't care what my parents say, I'm taking you back to my apartment."

"Hell no!" he protested, finally pulling his hand from her grasp. "I'm fine, I told you Granger!"

"Don't make me drag you there, Malfoy. You'll get sick!"

"I've been sleeping outside for a month Granger, I'll be **fine**!"

Hermione looked at Malfoy, but he looked away. _Guess he didn't mean to spit out that information._

"A month, Malfoy?" She paused, waiting for an answer that didn't come. "So you aren't here with your mother, are you? You're here by yourself."

"I'm seventeen, I can handle myself," he snapped at her, and Hermione could see he was angry at himself for losing control.

Hermione looked to the ground, trying to find a way to calm him down. She couldn't leave him outside! It was much too cold…and he hadn't eaten enough lately to have enough energy to keep warm. He already looked sick and unhealthy. But she knew he wouldn't agree to sleep at her apartment.

_ You know what? I'm sick of this. I'm sick of trying to help someone who doesn't want my help. _

"Ok, you win. I'm going to go home now. I'm tired and have things to do tomorrow." She turned and walked away, half hoping that he would stop her, though she wasn't sure why.

She glanced back around, and saw him quickly shift his eyes from her to the water. Sighing again, she turned back around and continued home.

_Letter One: Harry to Hermione_

_ Hey Hermione. How's New York City? I know you miss Hogwarts, but you really don't want to be here now. I would much rather be in New York with you right now. _

_ As expected, McGonagall is the new Headmistress, and you can tell she's not dealing with the stress well. Dumbledore's absence is really noticeable, and it's hard to keep your mind on schoolwork when you remember what happened last year. That said, the filthy rat Malfoy hasn't shown up this year, along with most of the Slytherins from Fifth Year up. The only recognizable Slytherin left is Blaise Zabini, probably the only one who isn't the kid of a Death Eater. The whole school population is depleted. There were only five or six First Years to be sorted (Ron was glad that there was less waiting before the feast…that's Ron for you). It's not much fun here now…maybe it'll be better by Christmas and the holidays (by the way, Ron's inviting you to the Burrow over holiday break if you can make it). _

_ On a happier, yet not-so-happy note, Seventh Year work is __**IMPOSSIBLE**__. Slughorn already gave us a gigantic Potions essay (I enclosed the assignment in this package…have fun), and Ron and I are going crazy (we can't copy off of you anymore!...just kidding 'Mione). I wish Colin Creevy had been around to take a picture of Ron's face when Slughorn gave us the assignment. It was, to quote Ron, bloody brilliant. Professor Lupin is back this year to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts. It's great to have him back, but he's also assigning a TON of work. _

_ Anyways, that's about all the news I have right now. I hope you're having fun, and write back soon (Ron is asking you to enclose a copy of your essay, if you have the time). _

_Harry_

_P.S. Ginny, Neville, Ron, and Luna all say hi, and Ginny says you need to find a cute guy in New York with a brother for her (Ron adds you need to disregard that comment)._

**Chapter Seven: Selfish**

Draco cursed the sun as he was disturbed from the dead sleep he had finally managed to fall into. He found he was no longer by the bridge he had found last night; he vaguely remembered dragging himself to a more decent part of town before collapsing against a tall stone building. He groaned and tried to go back to sleep. He didn't want to be up this early.

He had finally managed to get into a pretty unconscious state. He hadn't slept well since the end of last term…every time he closed his eyes, everything flashed through his mind, determined to never let him forget.

He curled up a little more against the uncomfortable stone staircase, and closed his eyes, controlling his breathing, counting each time he inhaled. Eventually, this exercise would help him sleep. At least he hoped it would.

"Well, well, well. Just couldn't get enough of me I see."

He groaned. _Out of all the bloody apartment buildings in New York, you __**had**__ to choose __**hers**__, didn't you? _"Fuck," he muttered. Slowly he opened his eyes to see Granger's smug face.

"Did you follow me home?" she teased.

"Can't I sleep in peace?" he protested angrily.

He heard her laugh, and for some reason felt the urge to laugh himself. Her laugh was so soft and so pleasant…he was used to Pansy's hacking.

He managed to control himself, and kept the scowl on his face.

Granger's smile seemed to grow, and he felt his stomach drop. He hoped to Merlin that she hadn't noticed his almost-laugh. How humiliating.

"So how was sleeping out in the cold?" He heard the smugness in her voice, and could feel the anger boil in him. He hated this.

"Fine until I woke up to **your** ugly mug," he snapped at her.

She narrowed her eyes. "You're hopeless Malfoy." She stood up and turned around, stomping off in another direction.

Draco wasn't done with her yet though. "What do you mean I'm hopeless?" He couldn't stop himself from sounding like a petulant brat. He pushed himself up, with some difficulty, and followed her through the streets.

"What do I mean?" she yelled, turning around suddenly, almost making Draco bump into her. He stopped centimeters from her. "You're such a prat! I try to help and you reject me. I try to be nice, and you insult me. You're hopeless! You'll never be anything more than a jerk!" She paused for a breath before continuing. "But then I guess I shouldn't expect anything more from a **Death Eater**," she spat in his face before angrily stomping over to the park where they had first met up yesterday.

He felt the last sentence echoing in his mind. He didn't want to be associated with the Death Eaters. He wanted to change, he wanted to be different. Could he believe it ever would be?

"I'm not a Death Eater, Granger," he yelled at her back.

She stopped, but didn't turn around.

Sighing, he shoved his hands in his pockets and slowly trudged towards where she was standing.

"If you're not a Death Eater then what happened last year?" she asked bitterly, her eyes looking straight forward, not at him.

He bit his lip. "I was a Death Eater last year."

"That's what I thought," she interrupted, and began walking.

For some unexplainable reason, he couldn't bear to have her leave thinking badly of him. He reached out his hand onto her shoulder, holding her there. He had never cared what she thought before…why was he acting this way?

He quickly removed his hand, but Granger still didn't walk off.

"I…I left Voldemort's side, Granger. I failed him…he would've cursed me until I was near death…then he might've been merciful and killed me. He wouldn't let my failure go though, Granger. I don't know what Potty…" Granger turned to glare at him, and he sighed before correcting himself. "**Potter** told you, but I wasn't going to kill Dumbledore, Granger. I never wanted to."

"Then why'd you join Voldemort?" she snapped.

"I had no choice! My father planned my career long before I could even walk, Granger. I was raised to be a Death Eater. That was the only purpose my father had for me! Besides, Voldemort was going to kill my mother if I didn't take on that mission!" _Why the bloody hell am I telling her this?_

She finally turned around to look at him. "So you're hiding from Voldemort?"

He hesitated before nodding. "Snape…Snape took me back to him after he had…well…you know…and Voldemort was mad. At least that's what I gathered from the scream of rage I heard," he trailed off, and didn't complete his sentence. "The point is, I got away from Snape and ran away. I knew that Hogwarts didn't want me anymore, and I knew that Voldemort would kill me."

He sighed deeply. "I had no other options."

Her eyes looked up into his, and as much as he wanted to look away, he couldn't.

"So you're not…on Voldemort's side anymore?"

He shook his head, still looking into her eyes.

She finally broke the trance, looking down at the ground. "What gives, Malfoy?"

He raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

A small smile appeared on her lips. "You told me why you were here."

He shrugged, looking away from her. _Bloody hell, why are you acting like this?_

"So…are you going to help Harry defeat Voldemort now?"

Draco looked up at her, confused. "What would make you think that?"

Her smile and dancing eyes stopped, and she frowned. "You're not working for Voldemort…"

He coldly interrupted her before she could finish. "That doesn't mean I'm on Potter's side."

She looked taken aback by this. "But…you're not evil, so you must be…"

"I'm not a good person, Granger. Surely you of all people know that."

"But…"

"I'm done taking sides, Granger. I'm sick of fighting for someone else, something I don't believe in. The reason I'm eternally exiled is because I chose a side, and I'm done looking out for a cause before my own good."

She shook her head, in disbelief. He felt an unexplainable pang in his chest at her disappointed look.

"I thought you might be different, Malfoy. I really did. But you're just a selfish prat. That's all you are. You're nothing more than that."

Confused and angry at the feeling in his gut, he snapped, "Right, Granger. I'm selfish. And I'm going to outlast you and Weasel and Potter because I am. I'm not fighting someone else's war."

"But the Death Eaters! You could get revenge!" she protested. "You've worked with Voldemort! You could really help our side!"

"I wasn't exactly high up in the ranks, Granger," he snapped bitterly.

"But you were only sixteen! He must've had a reason for making you Death Eater so early in your life!"

His face darkened. _Oh yes, a great reason._ "It had nothing to do with my skill or how much he respected my family, Granger."

She looked confused.

"He chose me as revenge on my family. He wanted me to fail, he wanted me to die. He wanted my family…my mother and father…to suffer. Because my father failed him."

Granger seemed lost for words before she choked out an, "Oh."

"Could we…possibly stop talking about this?" he asked, keeping his voice in control, not allowing it to crack. He looked up at Granger, who nodded her head.

He looked away, and was surprised when he felt thin arms wrap around him. He looked down to see the top of Granger's bushy brown head.

"Granger…"

"Shut up, Malfoy. I can hug you if I want."

He was too confused to do anything but return the hug. _Does she really care? What kind of madness is all this? Why am I feeling this way?_

"You're still selfish," she muttered.

"Yeah, I know."


	6. Lies

Letter Two: Hermione to Harry and Ron

_Dear Harry and Ron,_

_I got your letter…and I heard about Hogwarts. It's so sad that such a great place is so empty this year. And to think that it's our last year at Hogwarts before we graduate too. Oh well, it's best I stop talking about such depressing matters, eh?_

_ New York City is cold and the leaves have already fallen off the trees. The parks are nice though; it's a great place to read and do my assignments (by the way, I finished the Potions essay…it wasn't that hard, you two can do it! I have faith in you ). _

_ I wish you guys were here with me. It's really very lonely. Well, not so much anymore. I met up with one of our classmates, and, as infuriating as he can be, he's provided some company. I miss both of you though more than ever (and yes, Ron, I'd love to spend the holidays at the Burrow!)._

_ Tell Ginny I have yet to find a cute New Yorker with a brother…I won't try hard to find one just for you Ron. Have fun at Hogwarts and remember to send my assignments! You guys are the best!_

_ XO Hermione_

_**P.S. **__I've found out today that I will be coming back to Hogwarts as soon as the winter holidays are over, so start counting the days!_

Hermione quickly folded up her letter to Ron and Harry before stuffing it in the bag beside her. She leaned back against the tree in the park where she had been yesterday. She sighed and closed her eyes, determined to sort out her feelings right now.  
><em>Ok, why did you hug him, Hermione?<em>

She didn't even hug Ron or Harry except in the most upsetting situations, so why hug her worst enemy?

And why didn't he push her away and get mad at her? Why did he just hug her back and accept it like that?

Did she really care about him, or was that just a reaction to someone being upset? It didn't make any sense at all!

She looked up as she heard Malfoy mumble something. She looked beside her and saw him sleeping against the tree next to her. She shifted her eyes back to the ground in front of her.

_Perhaps…perhaps you hugged him because he seemed, well, __**human**__ for once._

She had never thought of him as strong and brave. Any revenge taken on Harry, Ron, and herself was usually him aiming a wand at them when they weren't looking.

Whenever he was directly confronted, he chickened out. He wasn't brave, he wasn't strong.

But he had never seemed vulnerable either. He always had this air about him that made him seem so above feeling emotions…so above feeling real emotional pain and suffering.

And those few minutes, when he had opened up to her…those few minutes where he stopped name-calling and let his cold exterior fall…he had seemed vulnerable. He had seemed human. Maybe that hug was simply just a reaction to seeing Malfoy fall apart for the first time.

_Yes, that's it. That's all it was._

"Don't…." She heard a soft mumble from beside her, and smiled sadly at the sleeping form of Draco. She gently brushed his white-blond hair out of his eyes.

He wasn't a hero. She knew that. She shouldn't disrespect him just because he didn't want to die. But she couldn't help it…she hated that he was being so selfish.

She was sure he could really help their cause if he would just stop being, well, Malfoy for once. After all, he was her only competition for grades in their year…he wasn't stupid. And he was the son of a Death Eater, and a former Death Eater himself. He would know so much about their operations and how they trained.

And since he was selfish coward, they wouldn't have that benefit.

Her bitter thoughts were interrupted when she heard his mumbles become louder. _A nightmare, probably._

She gently shook his shoulder, not wanting him to go ballistic in a park full of people. Who knows what wizard-related things he could shout in a nightmare?

"Malfoy…c'mon, wake up," she said, shaking his shoulder a little harder. He didn't open his eyes.

"Malfoy!" she shouted.

His eyes snapped open and his whole body jumped. "What?" he asked worriedly.

Hermione couldn't help but smile. "Wake up."

"Bloody hell, I **am** awake," he complained.

"Yes, well **now** you are," she stated, smiling.

He rolled his eyes and sank back against the tree.

She bit her lip before slowly asking, "Hey Malfoy…you weren't lying to me earlier…were you?"

He finally looked up at her when he spoke to her. "I've never lied to you before, have I?"

And for the first time, Hermione realized that Malfoy really hadn't ever lied to her before.

Without thinking, Hermione reached out and grabbed a little of his hair in her hand. "Merlin, Malfoy. When was the last time you washed your hair?"

She noticed that he seemed to become a little uncomfortable, and tensed at her touch. Slowly she removed her hand from his hair, feeling herself blushing. _Damn, don't let Malfoy see your face go pink!_

She cleared her throat. "Look, if you want to you can go back to my apartment and shower so you look more presentable," she said, attempting a teasing smile to break the awkward air that had settled around them.

It didn't work.

"Um…actually Granger, I should really get, uh, going," he said, pushing himself up and brushing off his pants.

She stood up, an alarmed look on her face. "Why? Where? Are you okay?"

He ignored all three of her questions. "Look, thanks for…everything, but I should really be going. You're just wasting your time with me…besides…I'll find somewhere to work and live." He attempted a small smile at her before turning around.

"Wait! Malfoy, what's wrong? I can't let you go, you have nowhere to go!" She ran up to his side.

"Don't worry about me. See you around, Granger." With that, he quickened his pace, leaving her behind in the park as he turned onto the busy streets.

It took Hermione a few minutes to realize that she had reached her hand out to grab him and keep him from going. She immediately brought her arm back to her side, tearing her eyes from the gate he had gone through.

_What was that all about? Why did he leave? Is his okay? He can't be okay! What kind of person would react that way if they were 'okay'? He's not making any sense!_

She found herself looking over her shoulder at the gate again, and jerked her head back around so fast it hurt her neck. _Damnit, I know __**you're**__ not okay Hermione! What's wrong with you? Let him go. Be rid of him. You'll have some peace and quiet. _

_He'll be fine, he said he would._

"He's never lied to you," she whispered to herself.

Letter Three: Ron to Hermione

_Hey, Hermione…who's this "classmate"? Did you really mean to put "he"?_

_Sorry…you're glaring at this letter now aren't you?_

_Ahem…_

_Dear Hermione,_

_ Hogwarts is getting sort of back to normal…at least the sad mood is slowly disappearing. Still no sign of any Slytherins. Too bad, I wanted to kick some Death Eater arse. Sorry, thinking out loud…or on paper…you know what I mean._

_ Can you believe it? You're not even in the school right now and you're getting better marks in every subject than I am! The only thing Harry is beating you in is DADA! How do you manage that? It's bloody amazing, I'm telling you. Harry and Ginny are thrilled you're coming to the Burrow this holiday! So am I, too, you know. And [mess of scribbled words] we all miss you too. _

_ By the way, who __**is**__ that classmate? They are a he…? Or did you forget the 's'?_

_ We all can't wait to see you. And please __**do**__ stop looking for a New Yorker with a brother…bloody hell, my sister is so weird putting ideas like that in your head…. I'm not trying to control your life or anything, you know...I just [scribbled words]…I'm just looking out for you._

_ You're not glaring again, are you?_

_ Your Friend,_

_ Ron_


	7. Bleeding

**Chapter Seven: Bleeding**

September slowly became October. October became November. November became December. Months passed, the days got shorter…the nights colder.

It was around nine o'clock on a Saturday night. Draco sighed as he slowly exited the fast food restaurant where he had found a job. It didn't pay much, the hours were horrible, and he had to associate with people; something he had never liked. These were Muggles. He didn't like Muggles, he didn't connect with Muggles. They seemed primitive and clueless to the world that was all around them. Pureblood royalty like him shouldn't have had to work, shouldn't have had to kiss arse to the Muggle filth around him.

_The higher you are, the farther you fall_, he thought grimly.

He decided he didn't want to go back to his small, dark apartment. It made him feel caged and closed in. Strange really that he had felt no different in his large, bright, fancy room back at the Manor.

Familiar gates were coming up in the distance. _That bloody park…_. Every time he passed by, he thought of Granger.

He remembered her waking him up by yelling something about him being a murderer. He remembered following her through it just to tell her that he was no longer a Death Eater, and never wanted to be one again. He remembered sitting with her by that tree…and running away when she touched him.

And he would admit it, but only to himself. He was afraid to care. All his life he had never cared about anything except his father's opinion of him. He had always wanted to please his father, but beyond that, he had never cared about anything or anyone. He didn't care about Pansy, his so-called girlfriend, he didn't care about his reputation among anyone but purebloods…he had never cared.

But meeting Granger again…he had _started to care._ It was strange, it was frightening. He didn't want to care. He wanted to be completely apathetic. It was the least painful path through life, and that's all he wanted. The easy way.

_And Granger…_Granger, even, seemed to care. She **worried** about him.

No one had ever cared about him really, either.

And frankly, it had made him so scared of what could happen – of what **would** happen – that he had run away from her.

He walked quickly past the park, staring straight ahead, refusing to let his vision wander over.

He sighed heavily, pulling his jacket tighter around him. He slowly headed into a small, family-owned restaurant on the corner, and went up to the bar counter at the front.

The waitress smiled at Draco as he sat down. Draco had come in here a lot lately…he was becoming one of their best customers.

He slowly pulled a few crumpled bills and coins out of his pocket, putting them on the counter. "Is that enough for a Coke?" he asked the waitress, still not entirely understanding this Muggle American way of paying for things.

The waitress nodded and turned around to get his drink. "You from England?"

Draco slowly nodded. "Yes."

"What brings you to New York?" the waitress asked, conversationally. Draco rolled his eyes at her back. _Great…have I mentioned how much I hate people?_

"Family business," he said, trying to sound casual.

The waitress turned back around, setting the Coke down in front of him. "Here you go." She paused. "I'm Susan."

He noticed her "subtly" flipping her hair and batting her eyelashes. _Fuck…fuck…fuck…I hate people._

Usually, he would've done what most guys would do if a beautiful waitress was hitting on them. He would've flirted back, ended up snogging her by the end of the night…. But now, he didn't have it in him anymore. He didn't like people – at all. He didn't want to have to deal with this waitress. He didn't want to have to smile and bear it when some obnoxious rich prat started going on and on about how his fries were overcooked. The only person he could even **stand** to be around was Granger…

_Oh crap._ He sighed, frustrated, and put his head in his hands. _Stop thinking about that bloody mudblood. Just stop. Get over it. She was nice to you, you were passably nice to her, end of fucking story. Forget about her._

"Hey, you okay?" He heard the waitress ask.

"Yeah…yeah…fine," he answered weakly.

"So what's your name?" He looked up at the waitress, raising an eyebrow. He didn't want to deal with this right now.

"Draco," he mumbled, before finally picking his head up and taking a sip of his drink. He didn't bother to use his alias for his job; Drake Felton.

"Draco? What kind of a name is that?"

_Have I ever mentioned how much I hate people?_

"Family name," he lied. He had never had a problem with Draco. It was unique and set him apart. Everyone else had always thought it was weird. Of course, some people got normal names like Harry and Ron and Ginny and Pansy and Vincent. So of course **they** would think it was weird.

"Wow, you must really love your family to keep a name like that."

He almost choked on his Coke at her comment. _Muggles are so bloody rude…_

"Yeah…don't think love's the word," he muttered under his breath bitterly.

"Oh, I just knew it! You have a dark and haunted past!" Susan said dramatically.

Draco just stared at her like she was crazy. Dark and haunted? No, just lousy. _Muggles overreact about everything…_

"Wow, that's so sad, Draco. Can I call you Dan? It's much more normal."

His only response was a raised eyebrow.

"So Dan, where are you going now?"

"Away from you," he remarked casually, leaving the money on the counter before getting up and walking away, not bothering to look back at the waitress.

_Bloody hell…who would ever guess I'd miss talking to Granger…though I guess she at least has brains and not sawdust up in her bloody head._

_Shit…stop thinking about her. _

He finally made it back to his apartment building, and slowly climbed the many flights of steps up to the top floor, where his apartment was.

He didn't even bother changing out of his clothes before he collapsed onto the bed, wondering vaguely where that bridge was that Granger had found him at that night back in September.

Letter Four: Hermione to Ron

_Dear Ron,_

_ Amazingly enough, I didn't glare at that letter the minute I opened it. It made me laugh, actually. Thank you so much for the amusing letter…I really needed it. I miss you and Harry so much right about now._

_ Yes, I did mean to say HE. It doesn't matter who he was; we're no longer associating and he's an absolute PRAT and I never want anything to do with him again. He had just been particularly infuriating when I got your letter, and it made me feel better, so thanks._

_ And when I get back to Hogwarts, I will certainly help you with your assignments Ron. Can you believe I've actually run out of things to do without having to do three of the same homework assignment? _

_ I can't wait to see you all again; and thank you so much for sending me a copy of the Daily Prophet. I can finally see what's going on there now. _

_ Have fun, see you over the holidays – by the way, which day should I drop by at the Burrow? Tell me soon! Say hi to Harry, Ginny, Neville, and Luna for me!_

_ XOXO Hermione _

Hermione flung the Daily Prophet Ron and Harry had sent her aside, groaning at the idea of having to do her homework first. Something was definitely wrong with her; since when did she hate homework?

She sighed before reading through the Defense Against the Dark Arts essay assignment. Harry had always been good in this class…he could help her with this jumble of nonsense. _Of course, you know, Malfoy was always good at it too…not just Harry._

She suddenly realized the irony of the situation. A Death Eater who received good marks in Defense Against the Dark Arts.

_Damnit…don't do this to yourself Hermione. Stop thinking about him._

She hadn't seen him much at all. She kept telling herself she didn't care that every time they passed on the street he ignored her existence.

She ran her hands through her bushy hair. _Focus…you have to finish this essay!_

An hour after trying to write one topic sentence and failing, she threw her hands up in frustration before shoving the paper away and standing up to leave the house.

_What is happening to me? Why am I suddenly acting so…unlike me?_

She groaned angrily before grabbing her jacket and the Daily Prophet, heading into the deserted kitchen of the apartment. She glanced sadly at the note from her parents telling her they would be gone all weekend before setting out towards the park down the street. The same park where she had sat beside him, brushing his blond hair out of his eyes…

_CUT IT OUT._

She pulled her jacket closer to her thin body as the frigid December wind blew relentlessly.

She entered the park, determined to not remember anything about Malfoy or any memories they had.

_Memories? There is something seriously wrong with you!_

She shook her head, settling herself down on a bench. She would relax now. She would read the paper and she would relax, forgetting everything.

She opened up the crumpled pages of the Daily Prophet, glancing at the front page news.

_**Have You Seen this Wizard?**_

_**LUCIUS MALFOY ESCAPED FROM AZKABAN!**_

_Lucius Malfoy, known Death Eater arrested at the Department of Mysteries last year, escaped from Azkaban yesterday night. He is believed to have had outside help from other Death Eaters. He is suspected to have gone back to Malfoy Manor, his past residence, killing his wife, Narcissa Black Malfoy, and burning the house. There has been no sign of him since…_

Hermione's hand went to her open mouth, her heart skipping beats as she read the article. Her eyes reread the paragraph; she didn't believe it. She couldn't believe it. Lucius Malfoy? Escaped? He had **killed** his wife? _Bloody hell…._

She looked at the picture. She remembered him from her second year, as well as her fifth year. His hair and skin were still as perfect as any Malfoy's…it almost looked as if Azkaban hadn't done anything to him at all. But she saw the evil glint in his eyes…a look she had only seen when Lucius Malfoy had looked at his son.

Her whole body felt numb and lifeless. Malfoy…was he okay? Had his father found him? She remembered his downcast eyes and his quiet voice as he told her that she would get used to her parents not caring about her. _Oh Merlin…if his father finds him…_.

She no longer cared if Malfoy ignored her and she was supposed to hate him. Malfoy didn't have access to any news source from the wizarding world…he wouldn't know…she had to warn him, she had to find him!

She rolled up the newspaper and tucked it inside her jacket before flinging herself off the bench and running out of the park.

_Please…I have to find you…_


	8. When I Go Down

**A/N: **I apologize for the delay with getting this chapter up- I have had a lot going on, and wanted to make sure this chapter was good before I posted it up. Anyways, enjoy!

**Chapter Ten: When I Go Down**

Letter Five: Harry to Hermione

_Dear Hermione,_

_ Bloody hell, I didn't even bother reading the Prophet before we sent it to you, but I'm sure by now you've seen the front page._

_ Lucius Malfoy's escaped and killed Malfoy's mum. Bloody, bloody hell. Hogwarts is being guarded by top security now because we all know the Malfoys' love of all people who aren't purebloods, don't we? I almost wish Malfoy was still here so we could've seen how much he will suffer when he hears of the news…unless of course, he helped organize it. After all, he's a Death Eater._

_ Sorry about that depressing, horrible rant. _

_ This is for your eyes ONLY Hermione…_

_ I think I might like Ginny again, but I don't know how to tell her without upsetting her. Want to give me some of that famous advice? Please?_

_ Ron also asks you if you are sure you don't want to disclose the name of the mystery guy you were hanging out with. He also asks that you kindly not pulverize him the minute you get back to school. Also, he says that December 21 is the earliest you can come to the Burrow (please, please come then!). _

_ No more Death Eater operations going on (except Lucius Malfoy's escape), so I guess you were right about becoming qualified wizards first. I'm almost hoping I fail this year so I can stay at Hogwarts longer. Oh well…all good things must come to an end, eh?_

_ Sorry for being so angsty and depressing in this letter…I seem to be doing a lot of that lately._

_ Tell us how things are going! The usual bunch says hi and that they miss you!_

_ Harry_

"I didn't want ketchup on my hamburger, mister."

Draco groaned inwardly and rolled his eyes at the five-year-old lecturing him about his order. He saw his boss looking over at him and forced a smile onto his face. To think the day would come when Draco Malfoy would listen to authority figures.

"I'm sorry about that…_sir_. I'll fix that right away."

"Good. I think I deserve free fries because of the inconvenience."

He rolled his eyes, muttering, "And I could tell you right where to put your 'free fries' too you little brat…"

"What was that?" the kid demanded sharply.

"Nothing, here's your burger," he said, his fake smile faltering.

"Felton, you got someone out in the alley who wants to see you," his boss yelled from across the room.

Draco's heart suddenly began to beat faster. _Granger? Is it her? Could it be her? Who else could it be? _Trying in vain to slow his heart beat, he began to walk away from the register. _Is she looking for me? Does she…_

"Hey, where are my fries?"

"Get the bloody fries yourself," he spat at him, before heading out the back door quickly, unable to explain the eagerness he felt to see her again.

He walked out into the dark alley, looking around for her.

Seconds later he felt a horrible pain in his stomach, and he fell down on the hard, stone ground.

He looked up, totally winded, and horrified.

"Surprise, Draco." Lucius Malfoy stood towering above him.

The fear he had felt his whole life towards his father was creeping back into his heart. Too many times he had been in this position, his father's hand coming down on him.

"The Dark Lord's been looking for you," Lucius sneered.

Draco slowly pushed himself up. "Of course he has," he shot back, trying to seem as though he weren't afraid. "How exactly did you find me? In the Muggle world, no less- aren't you worried about contamination?"

Lucius had smacked him across the face before Draco had been able to stop him.

"You insolent little brat! You deserve death for desertion!"

The metallic taste of blood filled Draco's mouth. "Then kill me, Father! Give me what I deserve!" he taunted, all the while knowing it was a dangerous and risky move to encourage his father that way.

Lucius sneered at his son, hatred filling his eyes. "You do not know how much I would love to kill you now, Draco. Unfortunately, the Dark Lord has other plans for you."

Draco couldn't stop himself from gulping. "Other plans" would be worse than death, and he knew it.

"_Crucio!_"

Draco heard the curse, but he was without his wand…he had left it in the Astronomy Tower those months ago. He braced himself as the torture curse hit him.

The pain was unbearable, and he found himself writhing on the ground in pain. He could hear himself screaming…he could feel the tears threatening to break lose. "Stop…please stop it Father!" he begged through his screams.

He looked up to see his father's grinning face.

After what seemed like hours, he could no longer feel pain, and realized that his father had stopped the curse. He weakly opened his closed eyes, looking up at his father.

"Weak…you're so weak, Draco. Just like your mother."

Draco's heart skipped a beat when his father mentioned his mother.

"She tried to get in my way…without her wand…how stupid of her."

Draco weakly pushed himself up, leaning against a wall. "What…what did you do to her!" he screamed, breathing heavily.

"Living with Muggles has left you seriously uninformed Draco."

Draco felt his stomach flip flop and his head spin. He felt as if he were going to be sick. "You…you…you killed her!" he screamed, his stomach lurching.

"Ah, so you're not completely dense."

Draco could feel his hands shaking uncontrollably. _He…he…how could he?_

He looked up from the ground as he felt a wand at his throat. His cold grey eyes met the identical cold grey eyes of his father.

"Now…Draco. I have a proposition for you. And you can't refuse. You will do it no matter if you are aware of it or not," his father smirked. "The Imperius Curse is so useful, don't you think, Draco?"

He gritted his teeth, angrily glaring at his father.

"Rejoin the Death Eaters, Draco. The Dark Lord is willing to forgive your lack of loyalty. He is willing to reaccept you into the ranks."

Draco's upset stomach felt even worse at his father's "proposition". He didn't want to be a Death Eater. He couldn't be a Death Eater! How could he work for the very people he hated so much? He felt blood dripping down his face.

He felt his father's wand press harder against his neck. "You don't really have a choice Draco. You must only decide if you want to be aware of what you're doing, or do you want me to control your every move?"

"I won't be a Death Eater," Draco said defiantly.

"Oh, such a brave move." His father forced his wand against Draco's neck harder. "Worthy of Potter, Draco. And you must know I was never fond of that boy, or his bravery."

"I didn't want to be a Death Eater!"

"It is far past the point where you had a say in your future, Draco!"

"I never had a say!"

"CHOOSE NOW, DRACO."

He felt so sick, he was in so much pain. He didn't know what to do…how do you choose between those choices?

Lucius smiled evilly. "_Imp…_"

"Wait!" Draco yelled.

Lucius' evil smile expanded. "Such a good son."

_Where could he have possibly gone?_ Hermione frantically ran through the streets, looking for that familiar spot of white-blond…

_I can't let his father hurt him! I have to tell him!_

"Malfoy? Malfoy!" she yelled through the streets, ignoring the odd stares she was getting. She heard no answer to her cries.

It was dark now, and she could tell by the appearance of the buildings that she had reached a neighborhood she didn't want to be in. And yet some unknown force inside of her kept her from stopping. Something inside of her knew that she couldn't turn back until she had found him. She kept running inside every public place she knew, asking everyone if they had seen him.

"Malfoy? Please, where are you?" she shrieked, and an unexplainable tear slid quietly from her deep brown eyes.

She hastily wiped away her tear, fear gripping her chest as she wondered if perhaps she was too late…if his father had already found him…if he were dead….

"Draco? PLEASE ANSWER ME!"

She ran inside a fast food restaurant, frantically yelling, "Has anyone seen a boy my age? Blond hair? Please tell me…!"

"Eh? You mean Drake? He's out back in the alley."

_Drake? Is that who you've been hiding as?_

She bolted behind the counter, ignoring the glares of the employees, flinging open the heavy metal door, glancing about the alley.

"Oh…no…." she slammed the door behind her as she ran over to the crumpled form on the ground. "Oh…no, no…." she whispered.

"Gr…ang…er…"

His voice was quiet and broken. She quickly knelt by his side, lifting him up so he was sitting against the hard stone wall behind him. She couldn't stop the gasp that escaped from her lips when she saw his face. Her hands shook uncontrollably as she pushed his hair, caked with dry blood, out of his face, and she gently stroked his bleeding face.

"He…he found you…," she paused, trying desperately to control the tears that were on the brink of falling. "I'm so sorry…"

"So…sorry for…what…" he whispered quietly,

"I was trying to warn you…it was in the Prophet…I was trying to find you…I'm too late…," she trailed off as she saw tears begin to pour from her enemy's eyes.

"Oh no, are you in that much pain?" she asked worriedly.

He didn't answer her…his tears just kept falling. Her heart broke as she heard the sobs racking through his body. The pain he felt was not physical…at least that was not the reason for his tears. She did not know what troubled his mind, but she knew that something had broken his soul, that he was lost, that he was miserable….

He sounded as if all the stars had gone out; as if he was plagued by an unmentionable horror that was slowly shattering his soul.

She could no longer stop her own tears from falling, and she pulled him close to her, embracing him tightly – hoping that she could ease whatever pain he felt, yet knowing she would not be able to.

She felt his arms weakly trying to push her away, but she held onto him tighter.

"No! No! Let go of me!" he cried through his tears. His futile attempts to push her away became weaker and weaker, and finally stopped. "Don't…don't…I'm…not…"

"Shh…shh…" she whispered softly in his ear. "Let me help you," she pleaded with him.

She felt his fingers grab tightly onto the sleeves of her jacket, and she just held him close, her own tears falling with his.


	9. Going Back

**Chapter Nine: Going Back**

Draco glanced around him as Hermione flipped through letters (though there were no owls, so he had no clue how they had arrived at her flat), mumbling quietly to herself. The walls were a light shade of blue, with matching curtains and dark brown furnishings.

He watched her bite her lip as her eyes raced across the page. Draco thought back to their school days, when he used to see her do the same thing in class. She hadn't changed, it seemed, but so much else had. He sighed deeply, looking away from her. He felt the dull, throbbing pain in his left arm. He felt weak, worn thin…as if there was some unknown horrible pressure pushing down on him from all sides.

He was weak, and he knew it. He had chosen to save his own life. If he were any kind of decent person, he would've forfeited his life.

His eyes were brought back to Hermione as she let out a small chuckle and tossed the majority of the letters into a bin by her feet. She looked up, and he saw the blush rise to her cheeks when she realized he had been looking at her.

"Sorry, I got distracted. I was just checking the mail," she explained, unnecessarily.

He didn't look away from her, though he couldn't explain why he did not. His silver eyes bore into hers, then she looked away. She cleared her throat.

"How are you feeling?"

"Fine," he answered quietly. He noticed her frown slightly before she turned around and headed into another room.

"Come here," she called. "We should probably clean you up."

If someone had told him a few hours ago that he would ever have heard those words from Hermione Granger, he wouldn't thought he'd lost his mind. Shaking his head, he followed her.

Hermione was wetting a cloth when he walked in, and she turned around and pointed to a chair. "Here, sit down there," she instructed, walking over to him with the cloth.

She held it up to his face, but he reached his hand up and took it from her. "I don't need a nurse, Granger," he said.

Hermione pursed her lips, and Draco knew he'd irritated her with his words. "I guess getting your arse kicked wasn't enough to take you down a notch," she snapped, walking away.

_Fuck…good job, Draco_. "I'm sorry, Hermione. For everything." _I'm sorry I was so weak again..._ "I'm sorry for insulting you, for fighting with you, for being the arsehole I know I was," he said, shocked at what he was saying. Calling her by her first name? Apologizing? Admitting he had been wrong?

She turned to look at him, almost as if she was seeing him for the first time. "You're apologizing?"

He shrugged, looking away. _You're a Death Eater, Draco. You chose it, it was your decision. Do not start something that you know you can't._

"What did your father want?" he heard her ask quietly, making her way back over to him, sitting down by his side.

He knew that she had forgiven him, that she had found the soul inside the cold-hearted bastard. He felt his stomach knot as he realized that she trusted him.

"He…just wasn't happy with my actions," he answered, sparing any details.

_Tell her the truth…tell her you were forced into it, don't hide this from her! She trusts you, she saw the state you were in…surely she will help you…_

He sighed, and Hermione shot him a weird look. _Give it up, Draco…no one…no one…can help you anymore. No one ever could. It was a foolish dream to think you'd ever find a way out._

"He used the _Cruciatus Curse_ on you," she stated, looking into his eyes.

He slowly nodded, leaning back in the chair, holding the cloth against his blood-caked face.

"It wasn't the first time, was it?" she asked as a question that she already knew the answer to.

Once again, he slowly nodded. "My…father had interesting means of…discipline," he muttered, looking away from Hermione.

"I'm sorry," she said sincerely, but she said no more; she just smiled at him before standing up.

He had the urge to stop her from leaving his side, to reach out and grab her hand, but his hand remained on his lap.

She turned back around. "You should probably get some rest, Draco," she said. "You can lie on the couch in the other room."

And then she was gone.

He woke some time later to find Hermione sitting in the corner of the room reading. She looked up when she heard him stir. "Hey."

She bit her lip, and Draco vaguely wondered how she didn't have cuts all over her lips from the habit. "Draco, I'm going back to Hogwarts soon."

He had almost forgotten the unpleasantness of the day before, and the uneasiness in his gut as he lied to her. The knots in his stomach tightened again, refusing to let him untangle the mess inside him.

"When?"

"December 21."

He heard his father's words echoing in his mind. _You are a Death Eater now…the Dark Lord will show you no mercy…you'd best find a way to make yourself useful…_

"Hermione…" he began hesitantly, trying to wish the sick feeling in his stomach away. "I want to go with you."

He nervously looked around the room when she said nothing. "Sorry…shouldn't have…"

"No, that's wonderful!" Her smile lit up the whole room. "You can become a qualified wizard, and you can prove to everyone that you regret what you did…plus, I don't know how I could leave you here by yourself," she laughed.

He smiled weakly, afraid that he would vomit any minute now. "I just don't know how they'll ever let me go back in. I mean…I'm not going to pretend that I didn't do anything wrong."

"Don't worry. I'll write a letter to Professor McGonagall. She trusts me, she knows me. She'll trust my judgment. I'll get you back into Hogwarts," she said, and then took a long pause. "Just as long as you really want to go back and I can trust you."

"I would give anything to go back, and I have never lied to you," he said, smiling at her. She smiled back widely.

"I'll get started on that letter then."

_I hate myself._

Letter Six: Hermione to Professor McGonagall

_Dear Professor McGonagall,_

_ Before I continue with this letter, I want to make sure you know that I am not under the Imperius Curse, nor am I being controlled in any way – I am writing this letter of my own free will and I truly believe what I say here._

_ I am asking for you to reaccept Draco Malfoy back into Hogwarts. As you are aware, I have been in New York City for a few months, and I met up with Draco Malfoy while I was here. He has broken away from Voldemort and has been hiding here since the end of last school year. He is looking for a way to repair the damages he has done and return to school to become a qualified wizard. _

_I believe he has changed – he is not the same Draco Malfoy that attended Hogwarts last year. He sincerely wants to come back to the school to learn, and really wants to right the wrongs that he has done. I have enjoyed his company, and he has been very kind and trustworthy._

_ Please truly consider inviting him back, I am sure that it is the right thing to do._

_ Thank you for your time,_

_ Hermione Granger_

"Omigod! Omigod! DRACO!"

Hermione pushed the brown owl out of the window, ignoring its angry hoots. Still clutching McGonagall's letter, she ran right up to the bathroom door.

"DRACO! DRACO!"

The door flew open, revealing a shirtless Draco Malfoy. "What's wrong?" he said worriedly.

Hermione couldn't help it – she stopped mid-sentence, unable to stop staring at his toned chest.

She could feel his smirk before she looked up and saw it. "Can I help you?" he asked in a teasing voice.

She knew she was blushing…she was probably turning about the color of Ron's hair. She cleared her throat, embarrassed. "Um…oh yes! McGonagall's inviting you back! You can come back to Hogwarts!"

He looked more than a little shocked. "Are you serious? She's letting me come back?"

"Yes!" Hermione shrieked in happiness, before wrapping her arms around his neck in an excited embrace. She seemed to suddenly remember who this was, and quickly brought her arms back to her side. She looked up his face, and saw that, shockingly, Draco Malfoy, for the first time in the seven years she had known him, was smiling a real smile. No trace of his usual arrogant smirk was left.

"You look so different when you smile," she remarked, smiling.

He cleared his throat, looking down at the floor, still smiling. "Um, well…what does the letter say?"

She opened it up, and began reading:

"Dear Miss Granger…I have received your letter concerning Mr. Malfoy, and, as I'm sure you are expecting, I am quite shocked and surprised at what you have asked me to do. You do realize that you are asking…." Hermione stopped reading, biting her lip and scanning the letter. It was not exactly a nice letter, or at least it was a letter that might bring up uncomfortable topics from last year that they had put behind them without having to discuss them.

"Just read it, Hermione. I don't care what she's said," Draco said, going back inside the bathroom and grabbing a shirt. Hermione blushed as her mind sighed in disappointment.

She cleared her throat, hoping to Merlin Draco hadn't noticed her blush, and continued reading:

"You do realize that you are asking me to invite a…potential…murderer…back into the school, not to mention a student who hasn't been a great role model even so far back as his First Year here at Hogwarts. What you are asking is certainly a lot, and therefore, I know that you would not have asked it without good and important reasons.

I am not quite sure how you can be quite so trusting of Mr. Malfoy as you seem to be, but I am willing to accept Mr. Malfoy back into the school if these requirements are followed; One, Mr. Malfoy will have to stay in a separate dormitory that will be subject to random searches and will be checked regularly. Two, you will need to bring him to the school on December 21, the first day of the holidays, so that we will avoid a clash between him and the other students. Lastly, you will have the responsibility of going with him to every class to make sure he is doing nothing suspicious or related to Death Eater activities. He will therefore be taking all of your classes.

I assume that you know how great a risk I am taking, and how you must be absolutely sure that this is the right thing to do. I am trusting you Miss Granger, so please make sure that you trust him and yourself.

Sincerely, blah blah blah….

P.S. His good looks don't mean he is a good person…hey! Why would she say that?"

She heard Draco snort with laughter beside her. "Snorting is quite undignified for a Malfoy, don't you think? And you realize McGonagall just said she fancies you."

That stopped his laughing. "Bad images, Hermione," he said.

She let out a laugh before throwing the letter on her desk next to yesterday's Daily Prophet. She felt her heart stop as she looked at the paper, and then to Draco. _Does he know? Does he know he has no mother and nowhere to go home to?_

"What?" he asked, one eyebrow raised.

"Um…well…I'm not really, uh…sure how to ask you this," she began, biting her lip nervously. _He had a right to know, didn't he? Or do you really wanna bring that much on him? Do you want to hurt him more than he already was?_

"Hermione…."

"Here!" she said in frustration, throwing the paper at him. "I'm…sorry…."

He skimmed the paper quickly, and his face remained emotionless. He sat down on the bed, running his fingers through his hair.

Hermione quickly sat down next to him, waiting for a reaction.

"I…he told me," he said quietly. Hermione felt like she would die. _You just reminded him of his dead mother? Merlin, you should've just…_

"I'm sorry…I didn't mean to…."

"Hermione," he said, grabbing her chin and forcing her to look at him. She felt her heartbeat speed up as his hand touched her face. "Stop apologizing. You have nothing to be sorry for," he said, and she heard an unexplainable sadness in his voice.

"I…I just…I don't know," she said sighing, looking back down at the floor. She glanced back up at Draco, and saw his silver eyes looking down at his hands, and she wondered what was going through his mind.

"What about when I punched in Third Year?" she asked, suddenly.

Draco smiled sadly, as if remembering the times when things were simple. "No, my fault."

Hermione smiled sadly as well, wondering if times would ever be that simple again. She heard a tap at the window suddenly, and both she and Draco brought their heads up and turned to look. Hermione's heart seemed to jump from her chest as she realized that they were mere millimeters apart, their lips almost touching. _Why am I feeling like this? I haven't possibly…no that's impossible…_

She cleared her throat nervously and turned her head away from him, looking at the window to see none other than Pigwidgeon.

"Oh, damnit!" she swore, realizing that she had never written a response to Harry and Ron.

"What?" Draco asked, concerned.

"They're going to have my head!" she said in distress, opening up the window and grabbing the letter from the owl.


	10. Vacant

**Chapter 10: Vacant**

Letter Seven: Harry and Ron to Hermione

_ARE YOU THERE? ARE YOU ALIVE? DID THAT MYSTERY GUY KILL YOU OR SOMETHING? WHY HAVEN'T YOU WRITTEN BACK? WE'VE BEEN WORRIED SICK ABOUT YOU! IT'S LIKE YOU FELL OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH! ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? WHAT'S THE IDEA OF MAKING ME WORRY LIKE THAT? I [scribbled lines and holes in the paper]_

_ Sorry Hermione…that was Ron flipping out at you. I finally managed to get possession of the paper, but I have to be brief with this letter…Ginny can't hold him back forever, even with that plate of bacon she has. He's been very worried about you…even though it's only been a little over a week since we sent the letter, but you are usually much more prompt with your answers. Are you all right? Is everything ok there? That guy hasn't been bothering you, has he? Anyways, please write back soon or I fear Ron will send the whole owlery out to find you. _

_ By the way…about Ginny? Got any ideas? I'm so stressed out over this…is that normal?_

_ Anyways, please write back soon to tell us how things are. Are you coming on the 21__st__ of December to the Burrow? It's coming up and we can't wait to see you again! It's been way too long since we've seen you._

_Write back, Ron's freaking out over here ( )_

_Harry_

"Could they have given us a smaller carriage to ride in?" Draco looked up at the brunette sitting across from him as she complained.

"They don't want me to come back," he said simply.

"Why…?"

"Because of who I am, Hermione."

She looked at him quizzically.

"I'm a Malfoy, Hermione. They probably figured I wouldn't want to ride in something so small." He looked out at the passing countryside as the magical carriage flew them high above the ground below. Draco had always liked flying…in any way. He had always loved Quidditch games because he got to fly around in the air, free from everything. It was only when he came back to the ground to failure and defeat that he hated the sport.

He jerked his head away from the window as he felt a hand on his knee.

"Draco, they are not trying to drive you away. McGonagall said that she was accepting you back," Hermione reassured him.

But no reassurance and no kind words would ever ease the knots in his chest that got ever tighter. _You are lying to her right and left, Draco. You just keep lying and using her, and all she has ever done is try to help you. She got you back into this school, and you're going to repay her by aiding Voldemort; even after you told her you'd never fight for a side again. And you know, even if given the opportunity, even if you were going to be killed…you would never fight for Potter. So why will you fight for Voldemort?_

"Oh c'mon….Draco Malfoy can't possibly be nervous," Hermione teased, a playful smile on her lips.

"Never," he lied again.

Hermione's smile faded and her eyes showed concern. "You are."

He wanted to scream at her; he wanted to know how the bloody hell she could ever presume to know him, but he knew he was as easy to read as a book to Hermione. He always had been. She had always known exactly what to say to push him over the edge and upset him the most. While her two idiot friends just got themselves infuriated, Hermione had always just calmly shot him down.

"Look what I am, Hermione. The majority of the school never liked me in the first place. And now…I know what I am Hermione. I'm a coward…a traitor…I'm nothing that deserves respect," he said, his insides twisting and his head pounding.

Hermione got up and hobbled her way over to sit down next to him. She rested a hand on his arm, and then a hand on his shoulder. "Draco…don't say that."

"It's the truth, Hermione," he said, forcing himself to turn his head and look her in the eyes.

"Just going back to that school after what happened is not only brave; it is something that deserves respect. You are not useless, you are not a coward, and you are not a traitor."

"You're just saying that."

"No, I'm not. Do you think I ever would've helped you if I thought you were any of those things?"

He felt her hands on his arm and shoulder, felt her comforting smile…and he wondered why such a wonderful person was wasting her time on him.

McGonagall roughly shoved the old door of a room open, her suspicious eyes never once leaving Draco.

He felt uncomfortable under her glare – as if he should expect to be murdered in his bed.

The carriage ride had been pretty uneventful, and so had the trip up to the castle. He was glad he was coming back now…because he knew what kind of greeting awaited him when the students all returned. Everyone but this year's First Years would know what he was. What he still is.

"This is where you will be staying, Mr. Malfoy."

Hermione walked into the room, and Draco followed, looking at the splintering wood walls, the shabby bed, and the desk covered with dust. The carpet was a dark black, stained in several places. He noticed that there was no window. It reminded him of his apartment in New York…it reminded him of his room in the Manor. It reminded him of the life he was stuck in until his soul just burned out.

He turned around to thank McGonagall, but her glare silenced him. "I expect the best behavior, Mr. Malfoy. Any funny business and I will not hesitate to ship you right to Azkaban. By the way," she said, taking something out of her robes, "here's your wand." She slammed the door, leaving Draco and Hermione in the cold, dark room.

Draco sighed heavily. "Well…she's sure happy to see me," he muttered darkly, before flinging himself on the bed, putting his hands behind his head, relaxing.

"At least she didn't hex you," Hermione pointed out before sitting down on the bed by his feet.

"I guarantee you that at least ninety percent of the school population will when they get back from holiday," he said, sitting up.

"Well…okay, yes, I agree with you," she said, trying to hide a smile.

"Merlin, I can't do this…" he groaned before falling back onto the bed. He pressed his hands against his face, trying to drive away the piercing pain in his head.

Hermione laughed and crawled over to him, sitting beside his head. "Is Draco giving up already?"

He heard her laughing stop, and she brought his hands away from his face. "Are you all right?"

He wanted to die at that moment. She was being so nice to him, so wonderful, so concerned…

And he was…he was…_a Malfoy_. He hated that name, he hated all it stood for.

"Hermione, I…"

"What? What is it Draco?"

Draco felt his heart shattering, and if he had been able to find the words, he would've told her everything.

Instead, he sat up quickly, wanting to move away from her, and everything that hurt. "Nothing-"

He stopped mid-sentence; his face was only millimeters away from hers. He noticed that Hermione's face had gone pink, and her eyes were staring right into his.

"Draco…I…" Hermione started, but she was cut off as Draco pressed his lips against hers. She didn't protest or pull away, and her hands found their way to his hair, as she deepened the kiss.

Draco was barely aware of what was happening…he never thought that he would feel this way about someone. _Shit Draco…you __**can't**__ feel this way about her!_ Even though he knew he couldn't, he knew he couldn't pull away.

Suddenly he felt Hermione pull away, and quickly get off of the bed. He saw her heading towards the door. "Sorry…I…I gotta go," she mumbled quickly.

"Hermione! Wait, I'm sorry!" he said, jumping off the bed and trying to head after her.

Hermione shut the door behind her, and he heard her running off down the hall.

Draco sighed, running his hand through his hair. He chased her away. Bloody hell, he had ruined everything with her! She probably wouldn't even talk to him anymore!

His hands clenched his hair in frustration.

He slowly made his way to the bed and collapsed there, cursing himself for ever having kissed Hermione.

He felt empty…vacant…alone.

Letter Eight: Hermione to Ron and Harry

_Dear Harry and Ron,_

_Omigod, I am so, SO sorry about not writing back. Things got pretty hectic here, so I got distracted. I know that's no excuse, and I'm sorry that I made you worry (thank you for worrying so much Ron). _

_ Anyways, I'm writing this as I'm leaving to go to the Burrow…I have some errands to do first, so I should arrive late today…if you have any objection to this, just throw me out and I'll come back when it's more convenient. I am so sorry that I didn't get back to you before. I can't wait to see you guys._

_ And Harry, about your question: (Ron give the paper to Harry or I will never help you with an assignment again…) Anyways, Harry. Yes, it's perfectly natural to feel like that. And as to getting back together with her, I'll help you out when I get to the Burrow, if you want me to. Otherwise, I'd just sit Ginny down and tell her the truth._

_ Sorry again for not writing…I cannot WAIT to see you both!_

_ XOXO Hermione_


	11. Complicate

**Chapter Eleven: Complicate**

"Hermione! It's so good to see you!" Hermione smiled brightly as Harry, Ron, and Ginny greeted her at the door to the Burrow.

"Oh, it's been way too long!" Hermione said, hugging Ginny and Harry. Ron stood awkwardly with his hands in his pockets, as though he didn't want Hermione to hug him. Only slightly offended, Hermione heard Mrs. Weasley's voice.

"Don't leave her standing out there in the cold! Invite her IN!"

Hermione stepped into the warm atmosphere of the Burrow, immediately surrounded by various-sized red-haired Weasleys, all smiling warmly at her.

She loved the atmosphere here at the Burrow. It made her forget all the coldness of the autumn…all the loneliness.

_But you weren't really alone…._

She shook her head forcefully, only after realizing she was still in front of a lot of people. She looked nervously up at them. "Eh…"

"Are you all right?" Harry asked, concerned.

"Erm…yes, I'm fine…just…tired…" she said quietly, hoping it was a believable lie.

Everyone laughed as Mrs. Weasley said, "Go on up to Ginny's room, darling, and take a nap. You know where it is."

She nodded and smiled in thanks before dragging her bags up the staircase, sighing in relief. _Nice going, Hermione. How would you explain what you were really thinking about to them? To even say you had had a civil conversation with him would be suicide…to admit you KISSED him?_

She opened the door, falling onto the air mattress on the floor. She unconsciously reached her hand up to her lips, still remembering the kiss that Draco Malfoy had given her only hours before. She closed her eyes, remembering his warm lips and his hands gently running through her hair.

She wanted so much to hate it, but she had to admit that he was a _good kisser._ A **very** good kisser. And she had kissed him back. She hadn't pushed him away; she had kissed him right back.

She remembered him yelling that he was sorry as she had run out the door.

But was **she** sorry?

Of course she was! What was she even saying? That she felt something for Draco? For that…that…Death Eater?

_He's not a Death Eater._

_ He's still a Malfoy._

_ He doesn't want to be._

_ But he doesn't want to help Harry either._

But she found herself thinking of him, and unable to get him out of his mind.

She quickly sat up as Ginny, Ron, and Harry all entered the room. "Hey Hermione," Ginny said brightly. "We decided to come keep you company."

"Good, I've been so lonely this year!" she joked.

"I'd rather be lonely than in Slughorn's class. Or Defense Against the Dark Arts. We're going to do boggarts again, Hermione!" Ron complained.

"Boggarts? Who's the new DADA teacher anyways?"

"Some new Ministry-appointed bloke, Professor Cooke. I wish they had just gotten Professor Lupin back."

"Yes he was definitely our best so far; maybe he could've broken the curse that goes along with that position," Hermione sighed.

"We could've had him all along except for that git, Malfoy," Harry grumbled.

She tried so hard to keep an emotionless face as Harry said his name. Judging from the look Ginny sent her though, she guessed she hadn't done such a good job.

"I wonder where he got off to. Hope he's dead."

"Why?" she said, before she could stop herself.

"Because…he's…Malfoy?" Harry said as though it were obvious.

"Oh, well, yes of course, I was just a little confused," she said, ignoring the heat rushing to her face.

Ron's eyes were fixed on her. "So who was that mystery guy anyways?"

"No one!" she said loudly and quickly. _Why did I __**ever**__ tell them that?_

"Oh c'mon, tell us!"

"You don't want to know," she said, honestly.

"Yes we do," they all said.

"Trust me, you don't."

"What? Don't tell us it was like Seamus or someone…that would be gross," Ron said disgusted.

"Seamus was at school all year, you dope," Ginny pointed out.

"Look, I really would like to forget about it," Hermione said, hoping they would understand. She kept thinking back to the kiss, to his eyes…to his perfectly toned chest…

Ginny's eyes went wide. "Whoa! How…Who! RON! HARRY! GET OUT! Girl-Talk time!"

Ron and Harry looked at each other, then at Ginny. "Why?" they both said, confused.

"Just get out!" Ginny shrieked.

Reluctantly, they got up and went downstairs, closing the door behind them.

Ginny rushed over to where Hermione was sitting on the air mattress. "Who was that guy?"

"I'm not telling you!" she protested.

"You're bloody in **love** with him!"

"No I'm not!" Hermione said forcefully.

"I can see it in your face when you said you didn't want to talk about it! You were blushing! How far did you go with him?" Ginny demanded.

Hermione hesitated, and she immediately knew that was the wrong thing to do.

"OH MY GOD!" Ginny screamed.

Immediately Ron and Harry were back in the room. "WHAT? WHAT'S WRONG?"

Ginny just stared at Hermione with her mouth wide open. "Hermione…she…whoa…" she trailed off. Then she stood up, smiling. "Oh Hermione, I'm so proud of you!"

"Why?" Harry and Ron said together, looking suspicious.

"Hermione met a guy…did **more** than meet a guy…who knows **how** much more…" Ginny said in a sing-song voice before skipping out of the room.

Harry and Ron turned to look at Hermione. "'Did **more** than meet a guy'?" Ron asked in a weird tone.

"I'm hungry, are we eating soon?" Hermione asked.

"Dinner's ready!" Ginny yelled from downstairs, still in a sing-song voice.

Hermione smiled at her friends. "It's so good to be back with you guys!"

She practically ran down the stairs to avoid anymore questions, cursing Ginny for knowing so much about these things.

Later that night after dinner, Hermione, Ginny, Ron, and Harry were all sitting up in Ron's room talking. Thankfully, dinner had forced the thoughts of Hermione's "mystery guy" from all their minds and they had just been catching up for the past few hours.

She didn't want to talk about him.

Or think about him.

He was wrong.

She knew that.

So why did he seem so right?

She shook her head, determined to enjoy the time with her best friends, and forget Draco. She didn't even know what he was to her…or what she was to him.

These were her friends…her **best** mates. And it was so good to be back with them.

Sometime during the talking, Ginny fell asleep on Harry's shoulder. Hermione smiled at Harry, who was absolutely beaming.

They were good for each other. She had known that Harry only wanted to protect Ginny when he broke up with her, but she knew that it would do neither of them any good. He needed her. She needed him.

Early in the morning, Harry fell asleep, his head falling against Ginny's. Ron and Hermione both laughed at this.

Then the room fell into silence.

"So…you had fun in New York?" Ron asked, conversationally.

Hermione thought back to when she wrote the first letter to Ron and Harry, and when she met Draco in the park. When she had gone back to find him…and when she had teased him and tried to feed him his hamburger. When he had run away, and when he had been standing at that bridge. When she found him outside her apartment, and when he told her he was not a Death Eater. When she chased him away, and when she found him again…when he smiled at her.

"It was certainly interesting. Never a dull moment," she said, truthfully.

Ron nodded.

Hermione shivered in the winter air, and Ron stood up, bringing a blanket over to her. "Here."

"Thanks," she said, smiling at him.

Ron smiled for the first time since she had walked in the door.

Hermione couldn't keep the smile off her face as she and Ron walked behind Harry and Ginny as they searched the Hogwarts Express for an open compartment. She saw Ginny's eyes fixed on Harry, and Harry holding onto her hand as they maneuvered around the other students. They would be good together. They were a cute couple. Perfect.

She glanced beside her at Ron, who was trying his best not to notice the two and the fact that they were getting back together. She knew Ron didn't have a real problem with them being together, but she guessed it might still be awkward. "Ron, don't let it bother you," she reassured him.

He looked over at her. "Who said I was bothered?"

She just smiled and looked away, finally settling in a compartment next to Ron and across from Harry and Ginny, who were in a heated conversation about the Spring Ball. Hermione had just found out about it, but was not so excited about it. Who would she go with? There would be no Viktor Krum to save her from complete embarrassment.

And then her mind took her to a place she didn't want to go.

Draco.

She had managed to keep him out of her head for the better part of the week. She had had so much fun with her friends without having to think about him anymore.

And now she would have to see him. Now she would have to figure out what to say to him…and what she wanted.

How could she break his heart though…assuming that he fancied her in that way? His father was a murderer, his mother was dead, and he had more enemies than Harry would ever have. He was alone in every way.

She shook her head, startled by the train starting. Maybe she could avoid the issue entirely. Maybe….

"Hermione, are you there?" Ginny asked, waving a hand in front of Hermione's face. She snapped back to attention.

"Sorry, I just spaced," she explained.

"Since when does the all-powerful, focused Hermione Granger "space"?" Harry joked.

Hermione pretended to be offended before breaking down into a laugh.

Ginny just got an evil, knowing smile on her face. "**I** will bet money that she is daydreaming about that classmate she met up with in New York."

Hermione could feel her face get red. "Oh c'mon," she said exasperated. _Nothing says I have to tell them the whole truth…._

"Tell us, Hermione, is he coming back to the school now too?" Harry asked, teasing.

Ron was unusually quiet.

"How would I know?" Hermione said, proud of herself for coming up with that.

Ginny just smirked and shook her head at Hermione.

Hermione looked away from her friends and out at the passing countryside. A new, horrifying problem had arisen.

_What do I do when I get back to school? Ignore Draco? Still hang around with him and piss of my best mates? Tell them that he's not so bad? Yeah…they'd __**surely**__ believe that. _

She couldn't ignore Draco…how could she do that to him?

But how could she betray her best friends like that?

They would never understand. Draco might understand, but she could already feel her heart breaking as she thought about when she had found him in that alley and he had been in so much emotional pain.

She sighed, pressing her face up against the glass, wondering when life would be simple again. _Probably not until 'Death Eaters' and 'Voldemort' are no longer part of normal conversations_, she thought sadly.

"Hermione, you okay?" She heard Ron's voice break her thoughts. She turned to face him.

"Yeah…yeah…I'm fine. It's just…" _**Tell **__them, Hermione…_, "well, you see…um…McGonagall has assigned me to look after Dra-Malfoy and I'm just not…."

"**MALFOY**?" All three of her friends shouted his name in disbelief, staring at her.

_Oh damnit all! How could you forget they didn't __**know**__ he was coming back?_

"Oh…um, guess you didn't hear…."

"**MALFOY**?" they all repeated again.

"McGonagall sent me a letter while I was in New York…she's inviting D-Malfoy back to Hogwarts, and I'm supposed to watch him wherever he goes," she said casually, still cursing herself for being so careless.

"How the bloody hell can they invite **him** back?" Ron practically shrieked. Hermione shrugged. "Maybe he's different."

"YEAH RIGHT! This is MALFOY! He's been a jerk since the beginning of time!" Ron screamed.

"He's a **murderer**! They can't allow him back! It's endangering the well-being of all the students of Hogwarts! I'll hex his arse into next week the MINUTE I see him!" Ginny yelled.

"Why the hell isn't he in Azkaban? He should be there for LIFE! He's a bloody Death Eater!" Harry yelled as well, his face turning red with anger.

"This is absolutely outrageous! How did they even **find** the filthy jerk?"

Hermione shrugged. "I don't know, I just got a letter saying I was his official baby-sitter." She hoped beyond hope that they would just drop the subject.

Ron raised an eyebrow. "You seem awfully calm about this."

"You weren't there when I opened the letter, Ron. I've had a significant amount of time to cool off."

"Why didn't you tell us this earlier?"

Hermione bit her lip. "I was trying to forget about it, myself. Plus, I didn't want it to ruin our visit. I hadn't seen you guys in so long."

Ron looked at his feet. "Sorry Hermione. Didn't mean to accuse you of anything."

She smiled a small smile at him, putting her hand on his shoulder. "No harm done, Ron. And you're right, I do seem awfully calm. But believe me, all of the United States of American heard me when I opened the letter saying he was coming to Hogwarts." _Not __**entirely**__ a lie…_she remembered her shrieking when she had found out he was accepted back and his…_STOP IT YOU BLUSH ONE MORE TIME IN FRONT OF GINNY AND SHE'LL FIGURE IT OUT._

"Well, he'll be under my constant watch…I guess I could "dispose" of him," Hermione said, fighting back giggles. They were more hysterical than anything else, but she hoped her laugh would throw them off.

This made the whole compartment smile.

Still smiling, Ginny stood up. "Harry and I are going to the snack trolley. I need some comfort food after this disturbing information. You guys wanna come?"

Ron stood up to come along, and then looked down at Hermione. Hermione shook her head. "No thanks, I'm fine."

Ron gave her a suspicious look before following the renewed couple.

Hermione hit her head against the glass window.

_You are so stupid._

She sighed, unable to stop her mind from drifting back to Draco.

Letter Nine: Lucius Malfoy to Draco

_Meet me tomorrow at midnight at the Manor. We have much to discuss._


	12. Up in Flames

**Chapter Twelve: Up in Flames**

_He was there…back at the Manor. Standing there, staring at the huge building that was supposed to be his home. The fountain in the front yard spurted water out into the lily-covered pond. It was just as it had always been – beautiful, rich, and menacing. He saw his mother opening the front door, her blonde hair sparkling in the sunlight._

_ And then there was a flash of green, and he saw his mother fall to the ground as the sky darkened. He tried to reach out to her, tried to scream her name, but he couldn't. He struggled against some unknown force that held him back. _

_ The darkened sky suddenly lit up in a bright green as a snake slithered through the open mouth of a skull. The Dark Mark was in the sky over Malfoy Manor. He could feel his arm burning, the tattoo on his skin writhing along with the Dark Mark in the sky. He could feel himself screaming, but could not hear it. _

_ He looked up at his house, and the fountain crackled before the water turned the crimson color of blood. He watched in horror as the Manor somehow caught on fire, and he watched his mother and his whole life be drowned in blood and flames._

_ He heard a cackling laugh, and turned to see his father smiling a horrific smile, holding Hermione's brown hair, his wand pointed at her head, Hermione's eyes bloodshot from tears and her hands and arms caked in blood. His father began to form the words of a curse on his lips, as Draco tried so hard to run towards her…._

He jumped awake at the sound of the floor creaking, sending the desk chair he had been sitting in flying backwards, and all the items on the desk falling over. From where he was lying on the floor, he saw Hermione's blushing face as she ran over to him.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to startle you!" she said quickly, grabbing onto his arm and helping him up.

Still shaken by the disturbing dream, Draco stuttered, "Y-you're b-back." He suddenly remembered the letter he had received last night, and quickly his hand dove inside the pocket of his school robe searching for it. He found it, and let out a silent sigh of relief.

She nodded, smiling. "Yes, and you know what that means."

She laughed at his sleepy expression.

"Classes start today!" she reminded him.

He saw her smiling face and heard her joking voice, and he wondered if Hermione even remembered what had happened right before she left. Why hadn't she brought it up? Should **he** bring it up? Should he let it drop? Was it good enough that she was talking to him now?

"Draco!" He looked up at her concerned face. "Are you all right?"

He nodded. "Yeah…yeah…."

Hermione gave him a look, but didn't question him further.  
>"So did you have a good time with…your friends?" Draco asked, for want of a better word.<p>

"I had a fantastic time! I missed them so much, you know. Plus Harry and Ginny are getting back together and…" she bit her lip, moving her eyes to the floor. "And I might've accidentally let it slip that you were coming back to Hogwarts…."

"Oh," was all he could find to say. So the Dynamic Duo knew he was back? Why hadn't they come running through the door yelling _Crucio _and _Avada Kedavra_? "I take it they were less than thrilled."

"Eh…yes, that just about covers it. I know this is a bad time to bring this up, but do you want to go down to breakfast?"

He felt his stomach drop. "Um…not happening."

Hermione sighed. "McGonagall won't let everyone hex you," she said, trying to be logical.

Draco had no doubt McGonagall would join in on the hexing/cursing, but did not point this out to Hermione.

Hermione sighed again, grabbing hold of his tie and fixing it so it was no longer crooked. "C'mon, Draco. You can't avoid everyone forever."

"If I tried hard enough, surely I could," he joked, a smile gracing his lips for a few seconds. He tried not to think about how close Hermione was to him right now.

"Oh, I'm sure you…hey, what's that from?" she asked, her finger tracing a pink scar that was barely visible over his shirt collar. He tried to ignore her fingers touching his skin.

"My father," he said quietly.

Hermione looked up into his eyes, sadness in her own. She brought her hand up to his cheek, gently stroking his smooth skin. Too soon she took her hand away.

He was confused by her actions…she had so unsubtly pushed him away when he had kissed her, yet now she was initiating all this physical contact and…he just didn't know what game she was playing at.

Then he remembered he could have no part of it, and shook all thoughts from his mind.

"Come down to breakfast?" Hermione asked, her eyes boring into his.

"On one condition," he said seriously. He had to act this part well, or it would all fall apart.

Hermione laughed, muttering, "Of course."

"I…I haven't been back to the Manor since…well, you know…and I just want to go back to get a few things. If anything survived that is. But…I don't know how I'll get out of the school."

"So if I sneak you out of the school, you'll come down to breakfast?" she asked suspiciously.

_Damnit..._ "I know it's asking a lot…you don't have to come with me, just cover for me…I don't know…I feel so horrible asking you for this," he said, trying to make his eyes vacant and lonely.

Hermione smiled at him sympathetically. "Yes, I'll get you out of the school. **But** you have to come to every meal in the Great Hall – you still look like a skeleton, you know – and you must be nice, no matter what our fellow classmates say to you. All right?"

"It's a deal," he said, his pounding heart stopping. There was no way off this ride, but he at least wasn't going to let Hermione know what he was. He would hide it – forever, if he had to.

He had one moment of confidence, but as soon as he reached the doors of the Great Hall, he knew he just wanted to run away. How was he supposed to walk into that room? How could he walk into that room after leading the attack on their school and their Headmaster? There was no way he was coming out of this room with his life.

But he was not about to fall apart in front of Hermione again. He had spent so much of his time with her falling apart, he knew he seemed weak and fragile to her. And that's not what he wanted her to think of him.

Hermione glanced sideways at him. "You ready?"

He nodded, afraid to speak, knowing he would vomit.

Hermione walked through the doorway, her hand reaching in the general direction of her wand, just in case.

No one noticed her entrance, nor cared.

Draco took a deep breath, sighed, and then stepped inside the hall.

At first, no one noticed as he walked into the room, his head held high and his fists clenched. Then his grey eyes met Harry's green ones, and Harry's jaw dropped, his hand reached for his wand, and then in seconds, everyone in the Hall was staring at where Harry's wand was pointing.

"Potter," Draco said in greeting, unable to get rid of the mocking tone of his voice.  
>"Traitorous arse!" Harry yelled back. "I ought to cut your throat open right now, Malfoy," he said darkly.<p>

Draco's expression remained unreadable, as was his plan. He wouldn't let Potter get to him. "Then why don't you?" he sneered.

Draco felt a hand grab onto his arm, and saw Hermione, her expression showing she was not pleased. "What did I tell you?" she hissed.

He immediately looked apologetic. "Sorry," he muttered. Hermione gently pushed him over in the direction of the nearly-empty Slytherin table before returning to her own table.

He sat down across from Blaise Zabini. Blaise's face mirrored every other student's: a dropped jaw and wide eyes, shocked into silence.

The spell of silence finally seemed to break, and every student in the room began to yell. "What's he doing here?"

"Professor, are you all mental?"

"HE'S A BLOODY DEATH EATER!"

"SOMEONE HIT HIM WITH SOMETHING PAINFUL!"

"QUIET, EVERYONE!" McGonagall's voice rang loud and clear from the teacher's table. After asking for silence five more times, the Hall finally quieted, and everyone's glares turned to the blond Slytherin with his back to them.

"As you have all noticed," McGonagall began, "we have an old classmate rejoining us. The reasons for his return and his reacceptance into Hogwarts are none of your business, but know that we did not make this decision lightly. Choose to accept him or do not, but I will not tolerate comments suggesting cursing him or anything of that nature. If you have some complaint, feel free to visit me in my office. Breakfast is not the time for fighting. Mr. Malfoy, I expect you to act like a perfect gentleman to all of your classmates. Continue your meals," McGonagall concluded.

Draco's heart was still beating quickly, and he felt uncomfortable under all the glares that were sent his way. He wanted to run from the room, but he turned to see Hermione's quick encouraging smile, and knew he couldn't leave. He turned back to face Blaise.

Blaise still looked shocked. "What the bloody hell are you doing back here? I thought you weren't coming back. Bigger and better things?" Blaise reminded him.

Draco shrugged. "Things change." _Yet some do not._

Blaise looked at him suspiciously. "All right…but why come back to Hogwarts?"

Draco sighed. "If you **must** know, it was a matter of my safety. I do not exactly have a lot of friends these days."

Blaise nodded. "Fair enough. Welcome back."

Draco shrugged to himself at Blaise's calm reaction, but could still not find an appetite. He could still feel the glares pierce his back, and the hatred in the room seemed to suffocate him. He refused to turn to look at the all the faces of his classmates, instead staring at the wall behind Blaise.

Draco glanced at the food on the table, but didn't feel much like eating. His thoughts kept drifting back to Hermione…and then to that dream.

Why had that dream seemed so real?

He was going back to the Manor tonight…he would have to face his father again. He would be getting an assignment from Voldemort…he knew that. He felt his left arm ache in pain, and he closed his eyes, breathing in sharply. He wished he knew of some way to get rid of that pain.

Sometime later he felt a hand on his shoulder. He opened his eyes and turned around.

"What?" he asked Hermione, who was standing there behind him.

"We have to get to class," she answered, glancing at her watch.

Draco sighed, and reluctantly pushed himself away from the table. But on the bright side, he couldn't see how the day could get any worse.

"Later, Draco," Blaise called.

Draco waved without turning around, following Hermione out of the Hall, all the while feeling the angry looks following him out.

He winced in pain as Madame Pomfrey slapped some kind of ointment on the bruises and scratches all over him. He felt his stomach lurch and leaned his head down into the metal bowl he was holding, puking more piles of slugs on top of the last.

He groaned as Hermione gently rubbed his back. "I'm sorry Draco, I should've caught that one Ron sent at you," she apologized, wincing as more slugs poured out of Draco.

"OUCH!" he shouted in pain as Madame Pomfrey practically punched a large bruise on his face.

"**Terribly** sorry, Mr. Malfoy," Madame Pomfrey said sarcastically.

He watched Hermione bite her lip and take the ointment from Madame Pomfrey. "Here, I'll do that. You can go back to your office," Hermione said.

Madame Pomfrey didn't protest. "Good. I don't want you in here again Mr. Malfoy."

Draco's only response was more slugs.

Hermione sighed sadly. "Where else did Harry hit you?" she asked him.

He lifted his head out of the bowl slowly. "He bloody hit me everywhere…stupid arse," he muttered.

"I know, I know. I'll talk to him **and** Ron."

Draco's face was back in the bowl. "Merlin, I think I deserve to kill Weasel for this."

"Well, in all fairness…"

"If you're going to say it was just revenge for what I indirectly did to him Second Year, don't," Draco snapped.

Hermione stared at him in disbelief before narrowing her eyes. "Well maybe if you hadn't always been such a jerk to them, they wouldn't have attacked you," she spat bitterly.

"Oh yes, because they were always perfectly nice to me," he shot back.

"Like you cared! You seem to **want** everyone to hate you!"

"What does it matter if I do!" he yelled back before spitting up more slugs. He finally lifted his head up from the bowl. "Ugh…I don't have the energy to argue. Sorry Hermione," he said before falling back against the bed. "Four classes and I've been in here five times today…" he muttered.

Hermione sat down next to him. "I accept your apology, and I'm sorry I brought up Second Year. Now do you want this stuff on your other bruises or what?"

"Don't bother, I've had much worse than Potter's punches," he said dryly. He closed his eyes, trying to push away his fear. He had to see his father again tonight. How could he do that? How could he face that man again? He had been scared of that man all his life. His father had always seemed to hate him.

He had tried so hard to please him. He had researched Dark Magic from the minute he could read…he had learned to ride a broomstick and had tried so hard to get on the Quidditch team. He had even gotten the Mark just to make his father proud of him.

And nothing was ever enough.

Eventually you would think he'd give up and stop trying.

He felt a hand shake his shoulder, and it was just then that he realized he had fallen asleep. He opened his eyes. "Sorry…didn't mean to fall asleep," he said, fighting the urge to yawn.

Hermione smiled at him. "C'mon, let's go get dinner, all right?"

"Yes, ma'am," he teased, pushing himself off of the bed, ignoring the pain. He burped up another slug. "On second thought…" he said, afraid to go anywhere in public. Puking slugs was terribly humiliating.

"All right, I'll take you back to your dorm. I'll bring you something later, all right?"

He nodded. "Thanks, Hermione."

She let out a small laugh before she left the infirmary.

Draco's smile faded into a sigh before he followed her out.


End file.
